Ode to Caffeine

I know I drink too much caffeine and that it's bad for an individual with high anxiety to have excessive amounts of caffeine, but I can't exactly help it.  In this day and age we're required to be ready for anything and on as little as sleep as possible because of course time is money.  Caffeine makes that idea possible.  Though it's come to the point where I find that the consumption of caffeine is more of a part of my personality.  I keep myself wired to keep up with my thoughts, thus in order to express myself in such a manner that others consider normal, Teej normal, I have high levels of caffeine to thank.  I know what you're thinking (because you thought):

"Teej, wouldn't it be easier if you just did meth?"

I've never done meth, but my knowledge about it would lead me to think so.  Problem is I'm paranoid enough as it is.  Not to mention I spent six years of my life with braces, and there's no fucking way I'm messing that up (never again).  The most obvious reason behind my excessive caffeine intake: I LOVE COFFEE.

I love coffee.  The smell, the energy, the taste; it's all wonderful and it's got antioxidants (which I'm told is a good thing).  I have a hard time keeping track of just how much I drink on a given day.  It's my drink of choice.  I feel like Quentin Tarantino's character in Pulp Fiction:

[Jules, Vincent and Jimmie are drinking coffee in Jimmie's kitchen] 
Jules: Mmmm! Goddamn, Jimmie! This is some serious gourmet shit! Usually, me and Vince would be happy with some freeze-dried Taster's Choice right, but he springs this serious GOURMET shit on us! What flavor is this? 
Jimmie: Knock it off, Julie.
Jules: [pause] What? 
Jimmie: I don't need you to tell me how fucking good my coffee is, okay? I'm the one who buys it. I know how good it is. When Bonnie goes shopping she buys SHIT. I buy the gourmet expensive stuff because when I drink it I want to taste it. But you know what's on my mind right now? It AIN'T the coffee in my kitchen, it's the dead nigger in my garage. 

(probably my favourite scene in that whole movie)

I drink my coffee black.  All that cream and sugar just makes a mess and will only get you fat.  I like the bitterness of coffee, there's a flavour about it.  Don't get me wrong there's bad coffee out there that tastes gross, but whats the point of drinking it in that case.  I just think its weird that people will completely change the taste of coffee in order to drink it.  If you don't like something, you don't like something.  You don't add a whole bunch of calories to make it bearable.  We do that with food though.  Something tastes gross so we stack an unlawful amount of condiments on top to allow it to pass.  Why not pass on the whole thing then.  Nope, we got to make it difficult.

That's whats so funny about Starbucks.  I've tried to drink Starbucks' coffee, but lets be honest, it tastes horrible.  How can such a successful coffee shop have such terrible coffee?  Simple.  Who do you know goes to Starbucks and orders black coffee?  NO ONE, that's who.  Americans loves sweet things too much, they aren't drinking coffee black.  The people that go to Starbucks don't like coffee, they like sugar, and that's what they get.

"Welcome to Starbucks, what can I get you?"

"Hi, can you get me  a cup filled with syrup, cream, candy, and sweetener, make it sound foreign and tell me that it's coffee?"

So it doesn't matter what their coffee tastes like because it's masked in layers of junk.  It's not coffee it's liquid candy.  Why even bother, get yourself an energy drink or a candy bar.  But then you don't gain the vanity of claiming that you drink coffee, as if it was a drink of stature.

There's a lot of practicality with holding the fixings in coffee.  I was in class roughly a week ago, I went to set my coffee down as I took my see seat, then WHAM!  The cup got knock over and spilled down my shirt and jeans.  I was able to catch it quick enough that it wasn't too bad.  Luckily I didn't have mountain of whipped cream stuck to my shirt nor a single stain.  Couple of paper towels and a few minutes to dry off and I was good.