The Creation of the Modern Douche-bag

Needless to say, the douche-bag is very much a large force of movement within our world today.  As time continues though, the world gains more and more of them.  There was a time however when the common douche-bag was not a part of everyday society, and certainly not to the extent that it is today.  So how did such a phenomenon occur?  I believe I have tracked the source of the douche-bag tendency and after contemplating it for some time, I am now ready to share it with you.

The Douche-bag Theory

Its rather obvious really.  Women have created the image of the douche-bag and ladies, before you get defensive, consider what I have to say.  Women have a certain image of what an ideal man is suppose to be; as men do for women.  This image has been influenced by passed experience as well as the media.  By media I am of course referring to those godawful rom-coms that you forced your previous boyfriend to sit through (sometimes you take one for the team, but don't get me wrong, there are some exceptions).  Somewhere along the way we've mixed up the fact that these characters created in these films are indeed fictitious and should be treated as such.

The ideal man is suppose to have the masculine features that have been admired since the Greeks.  Strong, noble, handsome.  Have a six pack and a tight ass.  I don't know if you noticed, but look around you (america),  achieving this image of prestigious physical fitness in not a simple task. As awesome as it'd be, we all can't be David Belle (you know you want to google that!).  It's a full time job to maintain that kind of body while eating a very structured diet so long as you aren't using steroids.  So now we have all these assholes spending their time in gyms which, because they're there all the time, is all they have to talk about (Call of Duty?).  We've sentenced these individuals to bask in testosterone enclosed environments to sculpt them into something they can show off whenever they get the chance, and in return they have a tendency to develop a language that can only be described as dude-bro.  Need I embellish that aspect?  Somewhere along the line we're also suppose to be born looking like Joseph Gordon-Levitt or Mark Wahlberg, but without looking like we're actually trying (sorry I was born this way).  Little did anyone know that superficiality and apathy together is an oxymoron. This means messy hair supported with hair gel and a wife-beater with jeans that were purchased with holes already in them.   Sound familiar?

We haven't really covered the psychological aspect of the douche-bag though.  Beyond the looks, an ideal man is suppose to be a sensitive individual that's willing to open and share his feelings.  He's also to carry a certain amount of confidence.  In an attempt to replicate this aspect, the true nature of the douche-bag develops.  Confidence quickly becomes self-centered.  His interests are merely doing whatever he wants to do because he honestly believes he's number one.  As for that sensitive persona, in an effort to be mysterious, they have a tortured soul way about them to which no one could possibly understand.  We're talking full blown Dawson's Creek, let's go stare out into a lake while Switchfoot plays in the background (Paul Rudd in Wet Hot American Summer, awesome).  Through all this working out and emotional drama they typically forget to look for a job, in an effort to spend more time with their girl.

As you can obviously see, a significant percentage of the male populous, in an effort to appeal to women, have become douche-bags.   Acting like Ryan Gosling is cute and sexy for only so long, and before you know it they've become Ryan Reynolds.  Women, you created an image, and in turn, a monster.  Try to remember that the next time you turn of MTV.  The ratings they receive only confirm my argument.