If I Were Rich #2

Nothing pisses me off more than poor driving.  Around here it's a chronic problem.  People don't know how to read street signs, accelerate to the speed limit, drive in inclement weather, and god forbid they use their turn signals.  Lots of people complain that its the dumbass kids just getting their licenses that cause all this bullocks, but it isn't.  By far, old people are the greatest contributors to dangerous traffic.  I worked in a cafeteria for 3 years and lemme just say that the reaction time of some of these individuals rival that of a cardboard box.  Here we have a 73 year old man who can barely see a foot in front of him, and that's beyond the fact that his depth perception left decades ago, operating a four ton heap of metal at 50 kilometers.  Am I crazy (obviously) to think that this is a recipe for disaster?  While working at said cafeteria, we had some fifty-something drive through the front of the building after passing out at the wheel. (Vicodin?)



The next most dangerous motorists are those self-proclaimed "great drivers".  They're the same jackasses who speed up for red lights, frequently slam on the brakes, ride on your bumper because you're going 10 above the listed pace, and the turn signal, once again a completely foreign concept. (if you've seen Shoot 'em Up with Clive Owen, you might know how I feel)  These drivers are so confident in their capability that they often have a cell in one hand and a fag in the other, meanwhile trying to pick a CD and eat a Big Mac simultaneously.  There's no appeasing this kind of person, and no correcting them because, of course, they're "wonderful drivers".  It's like they saw a few Jason Statham films and therefore have enough ethos to accomplish any maneuver.

This hubris when it comes to operating a motor vehicle is what makes the streets so dangerous.  Everyone wants to do their own thing, and thus complete chaos.  All while this is going on, all i can think of is Smash Mouth reminding me

If we all go 25, we're gettin' nowhere.  If we all go 75 we'll get there faster.   If we all go 105, we'll get to heaven of time.

So here's my idea, yeah.  Take it upon myself to participate in these accidents potentially caused by these reckless assholes.  I mean Christ, how many times have you nearly been hit by some dickhead who forgot to signal or slow down.  Obviously streets signs and a police force aren't enough to get through the thick skulls of these mother fuckers, otherwise I wouldn't be frightened for my life every time I hit the streets.  I'd do it now, but who the hell has time for it?  Calling the insurance company, going to the autoshop, and occasionally sustaining injury.  I gotta keep moving in order to survive.  I've figuring with more wealth and time on my hands I'd be more than willing to cease the diversion maneuvers required to avoid collision on the US motorway.  These bastards have had it too good for too long.  With any luck this will not only decrease the amount of reckless driving, but also assist in lowering the overwhelming population of ignorant people which is growing exponentially in this country.  It's a win-win-sorry buddy granny's moved on situation.