Charming Kate

What's up?

Not positive on the title but the link below will take you to another short story I submitted.  It's a bit more humourous than the last one I posted (at least I hope so).  As always, like to hear your thoughts about it.

Cheers,

The Teej

Approximately 4,000 words

Charming Kate

            Once upon a time we rendered clichés illegal, yet for some reason continue to use them.  This was in reference to the king’s, then again most likely the queen’s, choice of décor of the castle halls.  It was like Jackson Pollock had thrown up and Taylor Swift wrote a song about it.  Why the aristocracy receives the vague notion that wealth correlates with taste, I’m not quite sure.  These thoughts ran rampant through Guy’s mind who, by this time, had completely forgotten the directions to his destination.  “Let’s see, it was left, right, right… straight?  No…. Left, right…. Christ, you’d think they could at least help a poor bastard out by providing a ‘Princess This Way’ sign,” Guy muttered to himself.

            The halls were left quite vacant due to everyone’s preparation for the wedding that was expected to coincide with the night’s festivities.  Where normally a man in Guy’s position would rejoice at the opportunity, he was more than grateful when a lone servant in royal colours came around the bend.

            “I say sir!”

            What he neglected to account for was the intimidation value of the rifle which was cradled under his arm.  Upon sight of this figure, the servant promptly turned to flee, but was thwarted in his attempt.  The royal servant cried and squirmed in the man’s grip, pinned between flesh and the castle wall.

            “No need for commotion friend, just wanted to ask a simple question.  Think you can manage to do that for me?”

            The terrified domestic quivered as he mustered a subtle nod; his breath, having left him already.

            “Where might I find a princess at this hour?”

            Painfully, he lifted his voice from the crushing sensation coming from Guy’s forearm, “Second hall, t-t-take a right, t-t-third door on the l-l-left.”

            As his grip slacked the servant shielded his mouth, phased by what had erupted from it.

            “Thanks buddy.”

            With that, he collapsed unconscious and Guy made haste.  Someone would find their fallen friend soon, only making things more difficult.  He’d have to move quickly.

            Counting the doors to the royal servant’s instruction, he darted in a beautifully furnished room to find the princess.  A look of disgust and shock was all that happened to clothe her.  This brought a wave of ideas which graced Guy’s mind.

            “I hate myself for asking, but what the hell are you doing?”

            “I’ve told the King himself time and time again that I refuse to marry his son and I won’t be wearing that either,” she gestured to the expensive and elaborate orange dress which faced her.

            “Well then it’s a good thing I showed up then sweetheart.  Unfortunately you might have to temporarily clothe yourself until we reach some sort of safe ground.”

            Without a word she disappeared behind a curtain while Guy examined the window

            “Who sent you to rescue me?”

            “Why don’t you want to marry the Prince?”

            “It was about the time when the tour included a walk past the slave pits that I got turned off by the idea.  Who sent you?”

            “Your father made a contract with the Fairytale Restoration Committee--“

            “My father?!”

            “It was in the papers, some ‘kingdom by the sea’ gave your father a better offer for you.”

            “Sounds about right,” she sighed.  She emerged from the curtain in a short red and black dress, loosely fastened around her waist.  “No use standing around with a brick in your pants; might as well zip me up.  You know, you don’t look the rescuing typ--- oof!  Careful now!”

            Guy was beginning to question whether the job was worth the cash.  “You expecting prince Charming?”

            “Would it be much to ask for?  I mean, the opportunity at hand, you’d think I could expect something more than a man from an agency in some standard issue uniform.  The King may be a cheap bastard and a shit father, but I’m still a princess in distress.”

            “I’d try not dressing like a prostitute, but what do I know, I’m just some guy from an agency.”  Guy was well out of range from being slapped, but that didn’t prevent her anger.  “And speaking of some guy from an agency, I suggest we get the hell out of here before we draw too much unwanted attention.

            Like clockwork, the mention of being placed under a time constraint brought upon a sharp air raid siren, bringing their conversation to a close.  A look of disappointment illuminated Guy’s face.  This really wasn’t worth the pay.

            “I don’t suppose you had a plan in mind Mr. Bigshot?”

            The stomping of footsteps echoed down the hall, rattling the entrance to the chamber.  Guy said nothing.

            “You know they’re coming!  We’ll both probably be tortured for this!  Say something! Ugh, forks over the cash for a rescue and he gets some prick on his first mission.”  With that the Princess marched to the window, contemplating her means on escape.

            A pounding came to the door, nearly taking it off its hinges.  This was followed by a second; and with a third the door collapsed as infantry units filed in.  Guy broke into a sprint at this sight, diving out the window and dragging the reluctant Princess with him.

            The free-fall was less than ideal.  Screaming and kicking for the entirety of their plunge, the Princess wasn’t going down without a fight.  As the repel rope caught, their descent became less and less dramatic until they came to a halt.  They resided dangling above the roof.  Looking up you could catch the silhouettes of guards making their way down the rope.  Guy, with the flick of a switch, allowed the rope to detach, giving the duo a slight tumble while the faint screams of their pursuers traveled pass.

            In a valiant gesture to ease her fall, Guy made an effort to catch her.  Instead, the Princess collapsed upon her questionable saviour, both toppling to the ground.

“You know, you don’t need to do that.  A simple ‘thank you’ would’ve sufficed your highness.”

She lifted her head in disgust, “Are you paid to be an asshole or is that just a bonus you add to the deal?”

“I’ll send you the bill once we’re out of this shit.”

With that he yanked her to her feet, gliding across the ridge.  As if it wasn’t difficult enough to keep their balance on the grey, slated roof, ladders, carrying looming guards, rose from the interior side.  As the pair swept by, Guy obliged one of their pursuers with a kick; sending the ladder flying.  Before they knew it, they were out of roof top scale.

“What now jackass?!”

Guy stared at the drop in front of them, growing increasingly irritated with the damsel in distress.  “Normally I’d ask, but seeing as I don’t give a fuck at this point…”

There was a pile of hay below which they plunged straight for.  The landing was slightly more graceful than the one before.

“Are you trying to get us killed?”

“I was hoping you might lose your voice.  Now shut up and c’mon, we still got a ways to go.”

A guard attempted the same jump after them.  His neck snapped as he ricocheted off the ground.  His eyes were left with a blank gaze as blood tricked from his gaping mouth; finally at rest.  After this sight, it took no convincing to get the Princess moving again.  They made haste for a nearby door; archers readied their bows.  It was a narrow escape; slamming the door behind them, the patter of arrows requesting entrance was muffled.

Another maze of corridors lay before them.  Pretending to know where he was going; a left, a right, two more lefts, until their surrounding looked familiar.  It was by luck that they found the front gate which, as they pressed forward, began to close.  Moving as fast as the Princess’ suggestive attire would allow, their escape nearly foiled.

Thankfully Guy’s propeller bike awaited the fugitives outside the gate; still intact and ready to go.  As they sped off towards the woods, too much of their surprise, looking back no one appeared to be on their trail.  A sigh of relief overcame the Princess as the distance between them and the castle increased.

They’d traveled for quite some time when the curious natured Princess began her inquiries.  She had never seen such a vehicle before, and still had no idea as to the identity of her rescuer.  The sleek wooden frame of the bike whistled in the wind, making conversation nearly impossible.  The rate to which Guy pedaled didn’t ease this either.  Naturally this was on purpose, to Guy, the only thing keeping her quiet was the deafening roar of the engine.  So when failing to get his attention after a number of failed attempts, she tried to give him a nudge causing a loss of balance.  Guy swerved in order to catch her, but the equilibrium was lost along with control of the speeding vehicle.

A jagged set of rocks proved too much an obstacle for the propeller, splintering as it made contact.   Guy was thrown from his seat as the frame unraveled, being reduced to kindling and gears.  Upturned dirt scattered in all directions, and at the epicenter of all the destruction sat a stunned princess, somehow unharmed midst the chaos.

Through an effort of sheer will, Guy collected himself and staggered to the wreckage, almost upset to see her in on piece.

“What part of ‘keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle’ don’t you understand?  You know how long it’s going to take to get there now?”

“Who says I even want to go to this ‘kingdom by the sea’ anyway?  Besides, I have no idea who the hell you are or whether or not you’re to be trusted.  You better start talking if you expect me to take another step.”

“’cause springing you from that prison wasn’t enough?  Sorry not to roll the red carpet out, but there are more pressing matters your highness.  I don’t know if you noticed, but we’re stuck in the middle of the goddamn forest.  I’m the only chance you got for survival Princess.”

“You think you’re so wonderful,” she got to her feet, “ever thought I might know how to take care of myself?  And it’s Kate.  Not Katherine.  Not Princess.  And certainly not ‘Your Highness!”

“Am I the only one turned on by this?”

They were eye-to-eye now, both red in the face from shouting.  Guy began to tilt his head and move in when a board struck him squarely upside the jaw.

“You’re gonna have to try harder than that.”  Though she’d never admit it, she was somewhat flattered by the comment.  “Shall we begin anew?”

Shaking off the blow, he extended his hand forward.  “Guy Christoff”

She turned away from this gesture, speaking with her back turned.  “Well ‘Guy’, tell me about this ‘kingdom by the sea’.”

“I imagine it’s a two, maybe three, days walk from here.  That is unless—“

“No, no, what’s it like?”

“Real great.  Nice view, cool breeze, and they use indentured servants rather than slaves,” replied Guy, disinterested.  “You’ll see it for yourself in a few days.  That is, if we get a move on.”

Collecting what they could salvage, they deserted the crash site, venturing deeper into the woods; nothing but a crude map and compass to guide them.  They traveled for what felt like hours and as dusk began to settle, the reality of a light source, or lack thereof, became more and more apparent.  The fortuitous nature of finding a campsite at this time was reassuring to their quest.

A freshwater spring resided in a clearing of trees with a soft and enchanting waterfall, promising peace.  It was here that they chose to spend the evening, exhausted by the day’s events.  As Kate approached the spring, quite parched from the journey, she couldn’t help but be transfixed on the gentle fish, swimming about; not at all startled by her presence.  The flora which grew around the pond was lush and, with the sun’s disappearance, glittered with bioluminescence.

Guy had finished a small fire which crackled not far from where Kate was kneeling and came to join her.  Still watching the fish, she didn’t seem to take notice.  Slowly, a large bass glided near, curious of her foot, which lay submerged in the crystal-clear water.  Carefully she reached out to pet the creature, but jumped at the sight of a knife beating her to it, piercing the scaly surface of the fish.

“You could’ve warned me!”

Guy had collected his prey and made his way back to the fire; a smug expression decorated his face.  “What’d be the fun in that?”

Morning arrived like a kick in the face, especially to a princess unused to the conditions of sleeping outdoors.  No tea, no cake, just a promise of a hard day’s journey before them.  Brixton wasn’t too much farther ahead, and with the potential for a faster mode of transportation, it was well worth the slight detour.  A clearing in the forest indicated their arrival, but atop of a large hill, the view brought disappointment.  The series of trees fed into a grand meadow where the city of Brixton stood, or what was left of it.

            It was quiet, in the eerie sense of the word.  While wandering down the deserted streets, their footsteps echoed against the ash covered stone.  A murder of crows sprung from their roost, surprising the weary princess; her yelp carried down the road.  The few buildings which weren’t reduced to rubble stared vacant and haunting; their once robust brick exteriour overgrown with foliage.  Flames had consumed Brixton, leaving only shadows of its once mighty stature; a ghost town left in its wake.  Surprise and frustration filled the travelers.

“What happened here?”

Finally the silence was broken.

“Beats me.  Looks like we’re continuing on foot; there’s nothing left here.”

For the first time, Kate remained close by.  Though the screams of the deceased ultimately cased some time ago, the wind seemed to reanimate them as it whistled through the existing alleyways.  It chilled her to the bone.  As they passed what was left of the textile factory, a chunk of brick fell before them.  Instinctively, Guy placed his hand around his firearm, slung to his back, and began to scan the low baring walls.

“Duck!”

A bullet whizzed by Guy’s ear.  Returning fire, he escorted Kate to cover.  The shots continued, but from where?  Peeking around the corner, Guy searched his surroundings looking for signs of movement.  Dodging suddenly, the brickwork consumed yet another shot.  With the echo ringing in his ear, in was impossible to detect the sniper’s location.

“Wait her.  Stay out of site and for once, shut the fuck up.”

Kate didn’t have time to respond; Guy tossed a stone into the open and disappeared into a nearby building.  Upon the obliteration of the decoy, there was silence; nervous silence.  Kate crawled under an upturned carriage to get a better view of the battle of wits, nearly driven mad by the stillness of it all.

Guy shifted angles, peering from his cover long enough to spot his opponent to fire a shot; across the street, second story window.  The sniper was on the move again, disappearing behind a doorframe to avoid the bullet.  The ambush was well planned.  Seamlessly moving behind cover and traversing the urban ruins, Guy was outmatched.  There was no use trying to chase him.  Nearly catching the marksman, he’d simply vanish like a ghost and emerge from another vantage point.

Kate grew all the more worried from her hiding spot.  Impressed with her attackers agility, doubt filler her mind after Guy failed to resurface.  From her angle she could just make out the sniper, waiting in an opening on the third floor.  From nowhere, Guy crept up silently to his assassin; dagger drawn.

Prepared, the shooter blocked Guy’s forearm and began using his rifle as a club.  Guy ducked in a narrow escape of the butt, firing at the off balanced gunman’s chest.  Distracted by the shock and pain of the wound, there was no avoiding a roundhouse kick that sent him tumbling to his death.  From a distance Kate witnessed the assassin drop threes stories, landing like a rag doll as he reunited with the street.

Guy climbed down to examine the deceased, proud of his performance, where he was joined by Kate

 “Some prick on his first mission huh?”

“Not bad, but you neglected to account for one thing…”

Kate drew a flintlock pistol and fired, twice, before Guy could react.  He couldn’t help but laugh when both shots missed.  His laughter ended abruptly when the thud of her intended target sounded from behind him.

“…there were two of them.  So glad you’re here to protect me.”

Cooley she walked away laving Guy to fathom his mistake.  Ashamed, he caught up.

“You’re a piece of work, you know?”

“You’re welcome.”

“You had a gun on you this whole time?  That’s something you mention to a rescuer.”

“I thought I wasn’t to speak?  Besides, you never asked.”

It wasn’t worth arguing, she was far too haughty to even try at the moment.

“Will we be seeing more of them?”

“Nah, they were nothing but thieves trying to make a quick buck.  They didn’t know who we were, and doubt they much cared.”

The animosity between the two travelers had significantly lessened with a new understanding of each other.  Perhaps too stalwart for small talk, it at least made for a far less painful journey as they left Brixton behind.  It wouldn’t be too much longer now.

There was an obvious reason why it was called ‘the kingdom by the sea’.  Upon entrance of Whesterville you’re welcomed by the swearing of sailours and suffocating stench of the sea.  It was the largest port, East of Sandwich, where safety and sanitation are sacrificed for seafood and sex.  It was safe to say, you needed to be tough as nails to survive in such a slum.  Kate’s reaction lacked enthusiasm, but one thing Guy said was true, Slavery had been outlawed for a long time (though, for enough cash, you could certainly get that sort of thing if that’s what you’re in to).

One building stood out midst the rest that were decorated with fifty shades of grey.  A mansion, sitting elevated due to a cliff, which it desperately clung to.  Kate felt relieved to learn that his was her destination.  Unfortunately, it required them to walk the entire distance of town.  Dodging carts and beggars and wading through crowds proved more taxing than anticipated.  No one dared to challenge Guy as they passed; a fact Kate couldn’t help to ignore.  He simply kept his composure and carried on.

“Pretty rough crowd.”

“Just don’t make eye contact.”

“They look afraid of you.”

“I’m just some prick on his first mission,” managed a subtle smile.

She accepted this response as he led her to the mansion’s gate.  Since they’d left Brixton, Kate had begun to take notice of Guy’s appearance; he wasn’t ugly.  As they began up the steps, the sudden reality that she’d never see him again struck her like an abusive husband.  Did she fancy him?  She didn’t know, nor did she have time to consider the matter.  They had arrived at their destination and her husband to be was presumably waiting within.  Or so she thought.

An answer instantly responded to the knock at the door.

“Guy?  Christ, wouldn’t ‘ave expected t’see y’around these parts.”

“Just doing business Kreeger, then I’m gone.”

“’ave ya got sometin’ fo’ us then?”  The dwarf peered around to Kate who looked slightly confused.  “My, my, she’s ah looka.”

Kreeger examined the beauty before him.  He was a shifty fellow; would sell out his family in a heartbeat, so long as he thought he could profit from it somehow.  He pulled from his pocket a worn monocle and, after he’d paced around her, returned to the door satisfied.

“Princess Kate,” Guy introduced.

“Princess?  Ah! We’ve been expectin you.  Come, come.”  After shuffling her in, he turned back to Guy.  “I’ve got ah job fo’you now.  Got it all settled wive ‘er father.  Wat I need is fo’ ya t’go an’ give ‘im this.”

An envelope was pulled from his jacket and handed to Guy.

“Is this everything?”

He examined its contents intently.

“Evin rang up t’agency fo’ ya.”

“And the girl?”

“Got ah ‘ole list waitin’ on that one.”

Still in earshot, Kate piped up, “Wait, what’s going on?  This doesn’t feel like a proper castle.”

“She still not know?”

“Isn’t this ‘the kingdom by the sea?”

“Aye Princess.  Kingdom by the Sea, best brothel we’ve got ‘ere en Whesterville.  An’ you’re our newest feacha luv.”

“And you knew?!”

Guy shrugged, avoiding eye contact.

Kate was mortified at the sound of this.  She knew her father to be an awful individual, but to sell his own daughter as a whore made her sick to her stomach.  To make matters worse, the man she’d been traveling with, someone whom she learned to trust, someone she had gained feelings for, knew about the whole thing.  Rage filled her fiery eyes as her hands began to tremble.  Before she had time to react to her emotions two guards began to drag her away.  Her screams echoed down the hall, slowly growing fainter.

“Should b’everythin’ eh?  Nice t’know yer still on our side Guy.”

Kreeger promptly closed the door, leaving Guy standing alone, envelope in hand.  He thumbed through the contents again, counting it, then recounting.  Five hundred; five hundred thousand quid.  He ran the number through his head over and over again.  It’d take six days to get it to the king.  Six days before any of that cash would be expected.  Six days before anyone would start looking for him; a six day head start.

“Six days to disappear,” he said to himself.

Guy couldn’t help but smile at the thought of that.  He descended down the stairs with much enthusiasm and disappeared into the crowd.

Stripped of her clothes, Kate was then cleaned and processed prior to being thrown into a cell.  A chamber pot and barred window awaited her.  Tears streamed down her cheek as thoughts of worthlessness and self-pity clouded her mind.  She sat and sobbed for hours on end, evenly focusing her hatred on those responsible.  She cried until she couldn’t find moisture for more tears.

There was no company in her cell, she was alone.  Around dusk a stale piece of bread and water was slipped under the door along with a cup of pills.  Unable to muster an appetite she tossed it along with the drugs.  With the sun gone, the faint glow of the moon was all she had.

Startled, Kate awoke to a strange whirling sound.  Cautiously, she pressed her ear to the door hoping to hear what fate might have in store for her.  There was a loud blast which was followed by a much louder crashing noise.  Upon turning around she was astonished to find a familiar face had replaced the bars on the window.

“You were expecting Prince Charming?”

Kate was lost for words.

“First time you’ve kept silent, what gives?  Listen, I was thinking of going on a bit of an adventure, thought you might be interested.  Unfortunately you might have to temporarily clothe yourself until we reach safe ground.”  He tossed her a new dress.

Unable to contain herself, she ran up to kiss him deeply.  Throwing on her dress, he led her on to the Zephyrcycle which he left floating outside the window.

“Keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times,” Guy shouted over the roar of the Zephyr.

Kate kept close, hugging him tightly as they sped off into the night.